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Still swinging but in my own way

Compared to other swingers I know, I’m very selective in what I do sexually and who I choose as a partner. For me, I need some kind of connection so that I can feel comfortable during sex. I’ve done the whole having sex with someone because I thought they were attractive thing before only to be left unsatisfied. Don’t get me wrong, running my hands down that wonderful chest and chiseled stomach was VERY NICE, but I will take a regular guy that I can connect with first and foremost.

Thankfully, my partner understands this, well at least he says he does. I’m not sure how much he really gets, but he allows me to act as I see fit to fulfill my needs and desires. To be honest, I’m still very surprised how cool he has been over the last two years. But to be fair, I’ve been very laid back and understanding as far as his needs go as well. We honestly make a kick ass team together, especially in this little adventure.

I wish I had a small handful of male partners that I could connect closely to so that I could ultimately relax with them and just have fun. I do still have my one male friend that I occasionally get to enjoy. We have so much fun together. I still find it strange that our chemistry is what it is. I can’t explain it. When we have sex, it’s just hot, sometimes raw, exciting and just down right fun. Timing is always an issue so that’s why I would like a few more friends that I could share similar experiences with when possible. I pray I never lose my current friend, not because of the fun sex or the passionate kisses, but because of the friendship we have maintained, which has enabled me to have the experiences we have previously shared.

You would think that in two years I would have this all figured out by now, but in fact, I’m just starting to really figure out what I want. Hell, just when I think I know what I want, I quickly find out there’s more to learn. Reading other swinging related blogs has helped me understand that people swing for many different reasons and go about it in so many varied ways. My partner and I do what works for us and so far we are happy. I hope our path down this road continues because as I far as I can tell, sex is so much more fun with more than just one partner.

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Reviews of adult clubs and resorts

I just left a fun filled weekend of adult fun and thought I should write a review about it for others looking to try adult clubs and/or resorts.  I think it is a more honest and trustworthy approach to reading and learning about these places. It’s hard to believe any review that a company posts about itself. So with that being said, I will be writing reviews for four clubs shortly. Stay tuned.

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Baring it all

Well not physically baring it all but emotionally.

My parnter and I had a talk last night about Lover.  He actually thought I loved him.  I was actually quite surprised to hear that come out of his mouth.  But to be honest looking at my behavior I guess I could see how he might think that.  At one point in the last few months I wondered myself if I did love him.  Did I?  Was I in denial?  Who knows!

I asked him what he thought if I did love Lover.  He shrugged his shoulders and said “there’s nothing much I can do about it if you did”.  This left me with a rather uneasy feeling.  I reassured him that I did in fact still love my partner and that I wasn’t going anywhere. I think he already knew I wasn’t going anywhere but hearing that I still loved him was a good thing.  I do love him.  We are best friends.  We have been through hell and back the last six years.  None of the hell was relationship related but it did test our relationship and put it through the ringer.  There were several times we both wondered if we would make it as a couple.  But we did which brings us to where we are now.

We let our membership on a swingers dating site expire so we had to renew it if we wanted all the features and benefits that we were used to having as a paid member.  We decided instead of just renewing every three months to just buy a lifetime membership. In the long run this would be much cheaper.  We’ve had lots of fun and interesting conversations and meetings from the site so we are sticking with it.  But before I decided to pull the trigger and renew the membership I wanted to “check-in” with him about everything we were doing, thus the conversation about Lover.  I asked if he was still happy doing this and if he had any qualms about continuing it. He said he was happy and asked the same of me.  I double and triple checked with him.  I asked him if there was anything we should be doing differently or anything he wants to do differently.  I know that he would like to meet a woman that he can connect with and not just have sex with.  I wish I could help him with that but I can only do so much to help. So after a good chat we renewed as  lifetime members!  Wahoo!!!!

As far as Lover goes, he has been pretty much out of the picture lately.  It sucks but what can I do about it?  Not a whole lot.  If I want him around when he can be available then I have to be happy with that.  He said something to me one of the last times we were together sexually.  We were naked side by side and he whispered in my ear “I want to watch you sleep”.  Those few lines really struck a cord with me and have remained with me.  I can’t let them go because he said them so sweetly and they just got me.

We were chatting online and I was talking about how much I wanted to get back down to the size I was a year or so ago.  He replied “that changing my body wouldn’t change any feelings”.  I was floored.  Feelings???  Feelings???  Where did this come from?  So I replied “???  What does that mean?”, waiting desperately for an answer.  “It means if you were 105lbs or 205lbs feelings are the same.”  I was shocked.  I took that as he meant there were some kind of feelings for me but I wasn’t sure as we haven’t ever talked about it.

I wanted to push the conversation on and dig deeper but not cross a line.  “Can I ask what exactly are those feelings?  I’m not trying to put you on the spot or make you uncomfortable, just curious.”  After a seriously long delay, I received this message: ” A fantastic friend…that I value very much.”  Now for obvious reasons I can’t and won’t give details about him to protect his privacy. If he is calling me just a friend after all this…WTF!!!  But if he is calling me a friend for other reasons (that I can’t/won’t go into) then I get it.  The problem is I don’t know.

This bothers me.  I can’t imagine that after all this time, he doesn’t have any kind of feelings for me.  I can’t even imagine how that would be possible.

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You know you are a swinger when…

I wish I could take credit for this list but alas I can not.  I found it online from another blogger who posted it without citing the source so I can’t give credit to the original author. I literally laughed out loud for most of these because many applied to Hubby and I.  Enjoy!

1.      You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos.

2.      Half of the numbers on your cell phone are listed only by screen names.

3.      You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers why you can’t go out with them this weekend.

4.      You have over 50,000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica.

5.      You know most of your friends’ by their first names (Rich & Jen, Frank & Beth) but you don’t know their last names.

6.     You have more lingerie than a hooker.

7.      You had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you ever met them in person.

8.      You position the computer screen in such a way your children can’t sneak up on you.

9.      You can’t remember the last time you had pubic hair.

10.  Before traveling somewhere, you look up couples in that area.

11.  You worry about explaining to the neighbors why 10 couples show up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and don’t leave until Sunday afternoon.

12.  Your spouse asks you if you want to have sex, and your first thought is”With who?”

13.  Your gynecologist wonders why you’re asking for birth control when he knows that your husband has had a vasectomy.

14.  Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it.

15.  Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set.

16.  Your wife has a shirt that says: “I Like Girls Too.”

17.  You have a stripper’s pole in the middle of your den.

18.  You giggle at the golf course when someone asks if they can join you for a foursome.

19.  The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your wife’s thong.

20.  You’ve hugged your friends goodnight while naked.

21.  You hear the word “Playmate” and your first thought is NOT “Playboy”

22.  The word “slut” has become a term of endearment.

23.  You remember to bring lube before you remember to bring lipstick.

24.  Your choice in new carpeting is heavily based on which type won’t give you rug burns.

25.  You’ve taken your Liberator with you to a dinner party.

26.  The term Vanilla isn’t just a flavor to you.

27.  You bet your wife who can score first with that cute girl.

28.  You are constantly encouraging your kids to spend the weekend at friends’ houses.

29.  You don’t think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and fish nets when it’s freezing outside.

30.  Your wedding reception has an after party.

31.  You get dressed for a party and don’t worry about comfort because your clothes won’t be on for very long.

32.  You panic when your friend’s digital camera goes missing.

33.  You’ve invited friends over and watched porn.

34.  You’ve invited friends over and made porn.

35.  You’ve watched someone do a tequila shot off of your wife’s breasts.

36.  Your friends know what brand of condom you prefer.

37.  You wake up in the morning and find that half of the cloths on the floor don’t fit you or your wife.

38.  Your kids think it’s normal for adults to have sleep overs.

39.  A hot tub is considered a necessity not a luxury.

40.  You believe in Unicorns… Because you’ve actually ridden one.

41.  You leave the kids at home when you go to the toy store.

42.  You take photos of yourself with your head out of the frames, on purpose.

43.  You can’t decide which of your three naughty schoolgirl outfits you should wear tonight.

44.  You always keep a supply of condoms, lube and clean hand towels by your bed… And your guest bed… And your couch in the living room.

45.  Every day is “Hump Day”, not just Wednesday.

46.  You frequently use the term “Friends of friends” when explaining how you know certain people.

47.  You know which of your outfits looks best under a black light.

48.  You have an entire closet devoted just to themed outfits.

49.  You place an ad that reads: “Wanted: Reliable babysitter who is willing to stay till sunrise and doesn’t ask any questions.”

50.  You choose furniture based on which best repels semen stains.

51.  The staffs at Hedo and Desire send you birthday cards.

52.  You come home with that, “There’s Something About Mary” hairstyle.

53.  The babysitter wonders why you are always already wearing your full-length coat when she arrives, even in summer.

54.  In the gym shower you’re the only guy with shaved balls.

55.  You know the most flattering angle at which to photograph your genitals.

56.  All of your vacation photos were taken inside your hotel room.

57.  You have free places to stay in almost all the fifty states and several cities in Europe.

58.  You’ve ended e-mails with “Bi-Bi”.

59.  You can expertly identify the differences between every type of breast implants.

60.  On Christmas, there are certain presents that can’t be opened in front of your family.

61.  You know exactly which of your friends are allergic to latex.

62.  Your vanilla friends ask why they are never invited to your parties.

63.  The movie “Swingers” was a huge disappointment to you.

64.  It’s an unwritten law that you can’t call any of your friends on Saturday or Sunday until at least 3 p.m. so you don’t wake them up.

65.  You’ve become especially good at operating your digital camera with one hand.

66.  You actually installed a lock on a bedroom closet door that holds your sex-swing and other fun stuff.

67.  You’re constantly afraid that visiting relatives will turn on one of your home videos you forgot to hide.

68.  You make bets about how long it will take to “convert” your vanilla friend.

69.  You’re in a public place and you swear you hear someone shout your screen name.

70.  Before introducing them to your visiting family, you pull your friends aside and decide …” Here’s how we know each other…”

71.  You start having withdrawals if the swinger’s web site is down.

72.  When someone asks where you’re staying on your trip to Cancun, you pretend that you can’t remember the name of the resort.

73.  You ask a guy to teach you “That thing you do with your fingers that my wife enjoys so much.”

74.  In the middle of sex with your spouse, you ask someone else to take over for a minute while you go to the restroom.

75.  You are more concerned about a pimple on your privates than on your face.

76.  You come back from vacation and you have a tan, but no tan lines.

77.  The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot of extra towels.

78.  All the men bring their wives to your bachelor party.

79.  Making it an early night means getting home before 3 a.m.

80.  You’ve handed out business cards that have nothing to do with your occupation.

81.  Your sexual fantasies never last very long… Because they keep coming true!

82.  You are hanging around vanilla friends and you absent mindedly squeeze their butts.

83.  You erase your computer’s browser history and cache every time you leave your office.

84.  You buy lap dances for your wife… And vice versa.

85.  You own a double-headed dildo.

86.  You’re still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on Saturday night.

87.  You’re at the market, and the only things in your basket are condoms, lube and Red Bull.

88.  On vacation you set aside time to take pictures that are actually acceptable to show to your family.

89.  After 25 years, people still ask if you’re newlyweds.

90.  You’ve had sex with more people since you’ve been married than you did when you were single.

91.  Going to vanilla bars ranks right up there with a root canal.

92.  The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you’re on your period.

93.  Your husband has lipstick on his collar and he smells like another woman’s perfume and it brings a smile to your face.

94.  On Monday morning you are glad to go back to work so you can get some rest.

95.  You tell your friends not to call while your parents are in town.

96.  You never make it to the drive-thru before they quit serving breakfast, on your way home.

97.  You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but your party photos.

98.  You spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other room discussing the stock market.

99.  You spent twice as long on your profile than you did on your resume.

100. You laughed out loud at 25 or more of these!

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Addicted

It’s been over a month since I was last with Lover sexually. I miss him. While we are total opposites at times, I think that really what attracts me to him more. I’ve never met anyone like him before.  And while we can have fun together both my partner and I know there are some serious differences which reassures him that I’m not going anywhere.

I can honestly say I don’t have one type of guy I’m attracted to. I really do like all kinds of men. All body types,  nationalities, hair colors, you name it. While looks help personality is #1 for me. Even if it’s a one night stand the guy has to have a great personality. And Lover has a great personality. He always makes me laugh which is very important to me.

I don’t know what it is about Lover, but he seems to get me and if he doesn’t he is a very good actor. I just like him. Of course he has some flaws which are pretty big, however for what he is to me I can look past them. I do, I just like him.

We rarely see each other anymore due to our locations and work. It sucks plain and simple. It takes me a while to feel comfortable with someone but not with him. I honestly felt a connection the moment we met and he agreed that there was. There was definitely a spark there when we met. Very strange.

In a way I feel almost addicted to him but is it because I like him or because I can’t have him when I want him? Or is it a bit of both?

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Living out a fantasy part II

I realize I never followed up with a part II for Living out a fantasy part I so I’m doing that now. English: derivative of File:Thumb1.png depicti...

Where was I?  Oh yes, his cock.  Oh my god.  There is just something about his cock.  I don’t know what it is but DAMN!  Just thinking about it gets me going and I am so not typically that kind of girl.  Very strange for me to experience this.  I took Lover’s cock in my mouth.  I took as much of it as I could at one time.  I could feel his body just shiver with pleasure and excitement.  This made me happy.  I spent quite a few minutes sucking on Lover’s beautiful cock before he pulled me off to join him up on the bed. He laid me next to him and he started to touch me.  He made his way down to my moist lips and pushed his fingers inward.  Oh my!  He fingered me for a few minutes before there was a light knock on the door.  It was my partner and he had come to join the party.  I do wish I had a bit more alone time with Lover first but what followed next surely made up for it.

My partner willingly let Lover have me first which I thought was incredibly generous and sweet.  This was our very first threesome.  Our first threesome ever!  I wasn’t quite sure how my partner was going to handle it all but he was quite the gentleman. My partner stood near the top of the bed close to my head as Lover entered me.  I couldn’t believe this was happening.  And it was happening to me!!!!  Both my partner and Lover were about to share me and I was about to get all the attention from two men.  Amen! Prayers have been answered. Lover rocked his gorgeous cock back and forth inside me for a while.  It felt great but I don’t think I could even focus on what was happening physically to my body.  I was mentally checked out.  I was riding such a high just being in the situation.

I asked Lover if I could ride him for a while and he obliged. Thankfully my partner had the forethought to bring in the Bodywand when he came in. This would be the first time I would ride Lover with my favorite toy. This was something I had been wanting to do for a very long time. I loved his cock in me but I’m one of those girls who needs the external help from a toy. I clenched his cock with my body and rode him all while grinding my bodywand to my clit. I was in heaven. Oh my god was I in heaven. I got into a grove and rode him as long as I could. My body had had enough and I enjoyed a small something. Not quite an orgasm but something. Anyway, whatever it was, it was nice and I was one happy girl. The look on Lovers face was something else. He said it was one of the sexiest things he’d witnessed. I took that as a huge compliment because he’s been in the swinger lifestyle for a while and participated in some sexy/freaky stuff. I couldn’t believe I actually used my toy with someone other than my my parnter. That’s trust! Wow!

I needed a few minutes to gather myself as I had really tired myself out riding Lover. Now it was my partner’s turn. He took me from behind hard and fast. I had my face and shoulders on Lover’s chest leaning into him for support. While I always like my partner giving it to me, there was something nice about leaning into Lover’s chest while it happened. I don’t recall if he kissed me or not but it was just nice. He held and supported me while my partner fucked me. All three of us liked this. My partner stepped aside and let Lover have me again. This time he too took me from behind. They were fucking me hard and fast. Not that it was bad, but I had imagined my first threesome to be a bit slower and more gentle if you know what I mean. I let them them both fuck me as hard and as fast as they wanted to. Lover has an unbelieveable stamina and can hold out for ages. He could have fucked me raw before coming if I would have let him. My partner took back over and couldn’t take it much more. He soon came inside me.

My first threesome was a great experience. I couldn’t have asked for two better men to share that experience with. Ever since that day I think of it often and crave for that experience again. I know my partner would do it again and I’m damn sure Lover would again to if he can ever find the time to meet us again.

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Trying to spice it up with Vanilla part II

English: Vanilla: 6 beans

English: Vanilla: 6 beans (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We made our way to the car and I took my usual place in the front seat, hubby was driving and Vanilla took the back seat. I came up with the grand idea to ride home in the back seat with Vanilla. I’m not sure what all took place but I think he was still scared. I may have straddled him at one point but I’m not sure. I know he was still very unsure due to the fact that he had not verbally got the ok from hubby. To help move things along I asked aloud “are we allowed to do this?” and hubby replied with a “yes”. Even then Vanilla was still uneasy. I felt completely rejected again. I remember moving to my side of the car where I blankly stared out the window and began to cry. That’s what happens when I drink WAY too much, I get a little over emotional. God, I feel like a fool now. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. Hubby wasn’t surprised and was actually relieved that I wasn’t upset with him.

Here I thought I crying quietly to myself but apparently I wasn’t because Vanilla heard me and said my name with disappointment. Oy! What a mess I had gotten myself into. Only me! Only me!!!! This is such a typical thing for me to get myself into though. Hearing him say my name made me cry more. I bounced back from the crying episode quickly though and was friends again with everyone shortly after. This was all so strange. I know it sounds as if I am bi-polar but it was just the alcohol, I swear. Hubby just informed that I did in fact make out with Vanilla in the back seat of the car as we got closer to home. I honestly have no recollection of any of that. I do remember getting home and tippy toeing through the icy driveway barefoot up to the front door.

I followed Vanilla up to the spare bedroom where he announced that he would cuddle me. I was happy with that as my partner never spoons me because he can’t fall asleep that way. I can’t recall what all happened after we closed the door but I know he was still nervous even after hubby gave him several go aheads. I reassured him one last time and that seemed to have done the trick. We were both naked and in the bed. The sad part is, I really don’t remember much. How horrible is that? All that effort and I don’t remember it.

I do know that I went down on him again and he seemed to enjoy it. Once again I couldn’t help myself but make eye contact with him. I find it strange that all of a sudden, me, dirtygirl, wants to and is handing out blow jobs. If you would have talked or asked me about blowjobs only a month ago I would have told you that they were against my religion. I’m not sure what’s changed but lately that’s all I seem to think about and I’m sure the men won’t object to the change. 😉

If my memory serves me correctly, he eventually took me off his cock and entered me. I wish I could say I had fun and it was great sex but honestly, I don’t know. Serves me right though. Ugh. I do remember being slightly disappointed at the end so that can’t be good. The upside was that Vanilla was true to his word about spooning and cuddling. I remained naked and he spooned me all night. He snored ever so slightly now and then in my ear but I didn’t care, I was being spooned. Honestly, being spooned was better than having sex anyway.

Sketch of how to sleep spoon.

Sketch of how to sleep spoon. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m not sure if he would do it again but I might be willing to give it a go again with less alcohol next time. I wouldn’t write him off yet due to the possibly bad sex yet because we were both pretty hammered and I don’t remember a damn thing. Lesson learned. Won’t do that again.

Would I sleep with a friend again? Yes. But honestly its too soon to know if there will be any fallout from all this so that answer may change.  Who knows, maybe I could get a FWB out of all this.

Would I sleep with a vanilla again? Hmmmmm. Yes, but maybe go about it differently next time.

-dirtygirl

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